I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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