Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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