My room smells like vodka and shame
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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