lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
