You just made me feel so damn special
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
