mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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