he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
