Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
