I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
