I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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