so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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