I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I would fuck him just for his dog
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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