God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
