Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
