I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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