You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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