guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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