But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
