we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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