Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
