My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
