she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
