I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had sex on a roof
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
