Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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