Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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