help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
