Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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