I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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