Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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