How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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