I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
