Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
