Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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