When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
