Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
where are my eyebrows?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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