Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
