just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
