just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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