Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
