we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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