We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
