Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
