Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
