would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
