I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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