whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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