my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was like eating out sand paper
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
