you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
