i need an iv and a liver transplant
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
