eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
