I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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