I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
