I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
