who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
