And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
