i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
